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The following article is a response to a popular blog post published on the New York Times website titled, “Go Easy on Yourself, a New Wave of Research Urges.” The theme of the article was self-compassion. Dr. Mark D. White considers the blog and how, or if, it can be applied to people who suffer from self-loathing. The problem with self-compassion as applied to a person who suffers self-loathing, is that a self-loathing person does not respond to external praise well. They will minimize it or dismiss it, because they know themselves better than the person praising them and “know” that they do not deserve the praise.more
Cody Wheeler had a major mindset shift while he was approaching the end of his bachelor’s degree. At that point he displayed what might be thought of as typical college behavior. He spent his time playing video games, sleeping in, hanging out with friends, or going to parties. His grades were fine, but there was not much forward momentum to his life. For him, it took a time inventory assignment to open his eyes to the time he wasted every week. A similar technique might work for everyone. The actual project was to keep a journal recording what was done for every single hour throughout an entire week. How is your time spent?more
In managing our relationship with ourselves and our relationships with other people, it is important to recognize what character traits, emotions, and behaviors hurt us more than they help. What we see in ourselves and others has a strong impact on how we view both ourselves and others. The idea of the “strong” person can be problematic in this context because there is often inaccuracy in how we label “strength” which can then impact the qualities that we admire in ourselves and others. Common traits identified as “strong” are grandiosity, contempt, rigidity, stubbornness, aggressiveness, and the desire to control others. These traits are often confused with “strength” because of their association with “power.”more
A new study from the University of Bristol shows that humans use the same traits to be caring toward our partners as we do to nurture our children. This was discovered in a study to study how caregiving plays out in a family and how one relationship affects another. The study looked at 125 couples with children between 7 and 8 years old. It examined how the couples were attached to each other and the parenting styles that were used, as well as their parents’ “caregiving responsiveness.” Caregiving responsiveness is essentially the ability to respond appropriately to a person’s moods and needs.more
Therapist Holly Brown writes that life is all about trade-offs. If people are willing to make trade-offs, they might not be able to have it all, but they can have a lot. What this means is examining the choices people make and what effect they have on other aspects of their lives. If it can be determined what things can be sacrificed or traded off in order to accomplish other things that are desired, a person can find an individual and very personal lifestyle that gives them the most of what they’re looking for in life.more
If a person doesn’t like where their life is at, they have not only the choice to change it, but also the obligation. The key is in taking small, manageable steps. While change may be hard, it is important to keep moving. If a person feel stuck, it is probably because they have ceased to move forward. Here are nine reasons why that might be the case. A person may be stuck if they can’t take responsibility for their circumstances. If a person doesn’t believe they have any bearing on where they are, they are unlikely to take the initiative to make a change. Another reason for being stuck may be giving in to fears.more